January 2012
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December 2011
me: hmm i wonder what's going on at facebook
everyone: new year new me
me: never mind
swagdemort:
why are graveyards so noisy?
because of all the coffin.
“I like drinking coffee alone and reading alone. I like riding the bus alone and...”
– (via sing-in-time)
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mom: let me see your blog.
me:
me:
me: *throws computer out of window*
me: what blog?
dawdger:
tumblr: the jealous ex trying to convince you that missing e has an std
killa-cam:
How teens and adults text: Expectations:
Teens - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff
Adults - What are you doing today? Want to hang out?
Reality:
Teens - Hey! What you doing today? Want to hang out?
Adults - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff
Omg this is my mom
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Me: i'm going to try and lose weight starting now.
5 minutes later: OH LOOK, SOMETHING FAT AND CALORIE FILLED LOOKS GOOD, I MUST EAT IT.
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How I feel when I go out in public:
thatispleasantindeed:
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1280 years in the future
historian: i will now teach you a classical dance which has been danced at the courts of kings and queens for centuries
historian: to the left
take it back now y'all
one hop this time
right foot let's stomp
left foot let's stomp
slide to the right
slide to the left
cha cha real smooth
When someone wants to talk about Star Wars.
deadpoolthemandalorian:
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Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you, the 2012...
Michelle Bachmann: "Don’t misunderstand. I am not here bashing people who are homosexuals, who are lesbians, who are bisexual, who are transgender. We need to have profound compassion for people who are dealing with the very real issue of sexual dysfunction in their life and sexual identity disorders.” (2004)
Ron Paul: "The rate of AIDS infection is on the increase again. From the gay point of view, the reasons seem quite sensible. First, these men don't really see a reason to live past their fifties. They are not married, they have no children, and their lives are centered on new sexual partners... because sex is the center of their lives, they want it to be as pleasurable as possible, which means unprotected sex. Third, they enjoy the attention & pity that comes with being sick." (1995 in a newsletter)
Rick Perry: "I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian, but you don't need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school. " (2011 in a campaign ad)
Mitt Romney: "I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed." (2011 while speaking to unemployed people in Florida. Romney's net worth is over $200 million.)
Newt Gingrich: "She's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer." (1994, about his first wife)
Rick Santorum: "Is anyone saying same-sex couples can’t love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too?" (2008)
Michelle Bachmann: "Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas." (2009 during a debate)
Mitt Romney: "PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." (2006, when questioned about driving 12 hours with his dog in a cage strapped to the top of his car)
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rulesofthirds:
radicaljared:
the kids who just got their dslr cameras for christmas already have “photography” albums on facebook.
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me: hey whats up
AP student: ugh i have so much homework i'm in AP and it's such a hard class why did i take AP i hate all these hard tests and my AP teacher is so strict like more strict than your teacher. no my class is so much harder than yours you don't even know what AP is like
Anonymous asked: muahahahahaha im evil and i love stalking you!!! cus your gorgous!!! damn sexy mama!! holla at me (insert wolf whistle here) muahahaha
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how do you non-creepily tell someone that you think you’re soulmates
